PSYCH So, describe her already, wouldja? All right then, I will. Start with Laurie Anderson. Her face reminds me a lot of Laurie Anderson. Only without that dopey grin that Ms. Anderson always seems to wear. And without those chipmunk-ey cheeks. Karen's cheekbones are higher and more pronounced. And Karen wouldn't be caught dead in one of those white suits either. Her eyes are like Sinead O'Connor's, very blue and very clear. She has a short sharp shock of dirty blonde hair and her ears are improbably small, as are her teeth. Her eyebrows are near-invisible; they almost seem to be an afterthought, which I find odd since I know she does nothing with them. Add a dash of Karen Finley and Kathy Acker for attitude and there you are. But it is her neck that fascinates me the most. The whole line of her neck, from behind her ears down to her collarbones is preternaturally delicate. It reminds me of Audrey Hepburn's. And the hair on the back of her neck forms a fine V that stops just before the top of her spine. When she walks around without a shirt I am reminded of Edie Sedgewick in 'Ciao, Manhattan'. Though Karen's breasts are smaller than Edie's they are very round and very high. Sometimes it seems as if she has conscious control over them, like the headlights of a Corvette. She also reminds me of Roseanna Arquette and Ellen Barkin, two actresses that look absolutely nothing alike. But I find they both have a quality that whenever I watch them in something I don't even like to blink, for fear of missing something interesting. Their every move onscreen fascinates. Karen is similar in that everything she says, whether it be idle chat about the weather or more personal talk, seems to be fresh and interesting. Something in her phrases or choices of words. Or it could just be the fact that I am in love with her. ------------------------------------------------------------------ "Goddammitall," she said, the other day, throwing her bookbag across the room. "Fuck!" "All right," I said. "I'll bite. What's wrong?" I had a strong feeling that her anger was feigned, that she had a story she wanted to tell me, but wanted it to seem as if I'd specifically asked her to tell me it. This was one of Karen's biggest passive- aggressive tricks, but I always went for it, because her stories never disappointed. She jumped up on the couch, stretched out, and started hunting for the remote control for the tv. "Psych 100," she said. "Fuck, I could just scream." Then, she screamed. Then Howard walked in, back from class. As he walked into the kitchen"Oh my God, Rich. Karen, tell him what happened in psych. It was infuckingcredible. Want a Pop-Tart?" Karen took a breath and said, "Yeah. Heat it up first. Well, there was a lecture today on the Zimbardo shock experiment. And I was really into it, right--" "Yeah, I remember." I said. "I showed up late so I couldn't sit next to Howard and had to sit in the back. Well, the whole class there were these two moron fratboys sitting behind me. " "I saw them," said Howard, coming out of the kitchen with a plate of frosted brown-sugar cinnamon Pop-Tarts and a half gallon of milk. "They were huge." "Well, the whole lecture, they were having this loud debate on why Catholic girls like to give head so much." "Hmmmm." Karen started in on her Pop-Tart, first breaking off the four unfrosted edges and setting them on the plate. Howard did the same. He got that from her. "Well, it was really pissing me off, but no one around them would say anything. So finally, I turned to them around and said, "Well if you two really want to know, why don't you ask *me*? I guess they figured I was flirting or something because then one guy says, all patronizing and shit 'All right, tell us, why do you Catholic girls like to give head so much?' So now, like, everyone in my row and the row behind me is completely ignoring the lecture and only listening to me, so I say, sweet as can be, 'Well, sugar. What girl could bear to look at meatball like you in the face?'" "You didn't." Howard said, "Yup, she did. Next thing you know, the whole back of the class was cracking up, which really pissed off the prof, cause I guess this is his coolest lecture." "Yup," I said. "He just loves that shock experiment thing. You'll hear about it all year." Howard said, "Wait, it gets better." "Better? No way. That was classic." "Well, like she said," said Howard. "The prof was pretty pissed with this whole big disruption and all, so he says, just like we were in high school, 'If something back there is amusing, I'm sure the whole class would be interested. Please, share it." "He said that." "Sure did." "So what'd you do?" "I couldn't let down my fans now, could I?" "Oh no." "So I stood up and told the prof exactly what happened, just like I told you." "Oh man. What happened to the fratboys?" "They left. I think one managed to call me a dyke on the way out. I blew him a kiss. So then the prof played it really cool, right. He switched from a lecture on the shock experiment to a different one about social norms and how hard it is to break them, and he used *me* as an example. It was so cool."